The F*cket List

I’ve been avoiding this “Oh hey, I’m back from that weirdly long vacation I never told any of you I was taking from the blog” post for quite some time–a month and 21 days to be precise. I knew it had to be an epic return, so it took me a hot second to find something inspiring enough to blog about. A few days ago my good friend BreexyK this random person whose blog I happen to follow wrote about her “F*cket List.” Which as she so beautifully explains:

Instead of stressing out and feeling bad about ourselves, why not just make a list of  all the things that society tries to force upon us that piss us off, and vow to simply not give a f*ck about them?

If I lived in Canada, I SWEAR I would “accidentally” bump into her at so many places we would be besties. Anyways, onto my very own the F*cket List!

These are the f*cks I no longer vow to give:

  • That red meat is bad for you. WHATEVER I hardly eat meat as it is. When I indulge, I go by the “go big or go home” philosophy. Do you really think a cutlet of grilled chicken satisfies ANYONE’S meat cravings EVER? C’mon–fork over the filet/ribs/cheeseburger.
  • How big your GD uterus looks at 4, 5, 6 (…etc.) months pregnant. I mean, seriously. SERIOUSLY. Stop with the Facebook pictures. Why does anyone care how fat pregnant you are? It is gross, no one cares but you, and whatever happened to PRIVACY?! 95% of people I am “friends” with on Facebook I haven’t talked to in over a year–so why would they care about how many centimeters I’m dilated? AND WHY WOULD I WANT THEM TO KNOW? Consider yourself “defriended” if any more of that ish happens on my newsfeed.
  • Saving money. Stupid. Just like sleep, I’ll open that Roth IRA when I’m dead, thanks.
  • Your Instagram username. I like Instagraming photos of myself duck-facing in the mirror and my steak caesar salad I ate for lunch as much as the next guy, but unlike most, I know that no one else needs/cares/wants to see it. Privacy settings exist for a reason, “friends.”
  • Taking vitamins. Meh.
  • Light beer. Because I am no longer a college student. And I mean, it tastes like piss, no?
  • Reading “50 Shades of Grey.” Sorry, but I can’t get onboard with reading a phenomenon that was started by a Twilight fanfic. I’d rather spend the money on handcuffs and stilettos. Like, #amIright?
  • Running a marathon before you die. A) I f*cking hate running with a malicious passion. B) Running a marathon is actually HORRIBLE for your joints (and I am an old wench battered-ex dancer at heart), and C) That does just not sound like fun in any degree for someone who does not regularly enjoy running. More power to you, if you think so (some of the bloggers I religiously follow have run multiple marathons–but it’s just something I don’t think the light-hearted not-exercise-obsessed would want to do).

But really, who is with me? What is on your “F*cket List”??