~*SiNgLe && LoViN iT*!

As much as I am looking forward to being home for the holidays, there’s one thing I’m dreading. The questions from family/friends always begin with “What’s it like living in New York City?” or “Do you think you’ll stay?” …  then slowly turn into “How is your job going?” and “That real estate market in New York is crazy, huh?” … and always funnel down to the real point of conversation “So, are you seeing anybody?” or “Anyone special in your life?”

“Are you in a relationship?” It’s a yes or no question, but it never seems like one word will suffice. I’ve been single (or a least, not in a serious relationship) for the good majority of my life, and people have opinions about it. People will always have opinions. I didn’t meet my soul mate in high school. I didn’t meet my soul mate in college. The industries I’ve worked in since graduation are predominantly saturated with gay men. Also, I hate dating. These aren’t excuses, they’re facts. I’ve had boyfriends. I’ve gone on dates. I’ve had casual flings. Do you see me bringing someone home for the holidays? Do you see a ring on it? Nothing’s worked out. It’s Christmas day and the great woes and tragedies of my love life aren’t necessarily the things I feel like talking about right now, that cool?

I think one of the main reasons the question frustrates me so much, is because I will never be a person who is defined by my romantic relationship. I don’t fault you if you are, but that just isn’t me. I am defined by my beliefs and my morals and my successes. I moved to New York City when I was 21 — jobless, homeless, near penniless and by myself — to begin my career. Two and a half years later, I have so much more than I would have ever imagined — I have a life here — and I’m still nowhere near finished. I have a wonderful full-time job, I write this blog, I am member of an amazing women’s volunteer organization, I take writing and comedy classes, I’m working on a script, I work out, I sleep, I socialize with friends, I sometimes force myself to date. I’m nowhere near ready to settle down and have kids. I may never be ready to settle down and have kids. I’ve always been restless, driven and independent. When you add in a backdrop of the concrete jungle that never sleeps filled with the most ambitious people in the world, I thrive. And if you’ve known me for twenty-four years, you should know this too.

I guess what I’m trying to say is no, I don’t have a boyfriend. No, I don’t have a girlfriend, either. I’m single, but I have a fulfilling life. Ask me about my improv classes. Ask me about getting to see Joy Behar or Lena Dunham or Seth Meyers. Ask me about what it’s like to be one of the top Consultants in my industry. These are all questions I would welcome and love to answer. *End rant*

Friday Inspiration

Happy Friday! I thought I’d end wind down this week with a few of my favorite inspirational quotes from some even more empowering ladies:

Eleanor Roosevelt: A woman is like a tea bag; you can’t tell how strong she is until you put her in hot water.

Oprah: Forget about the fast lane. If you really want to fly, just harness your power to your passion.

Tina Fey: Maybe what bothers me the most is that people say that Hillary is a bitch. Let me say something about that: Yeah, she is. So am I and so is this one. [Points to Amy Poehler]      Amy Poehler: Yeah, deal with it.     Tina Fey: You know what, bitches get stuff done. That’s why Catholic schools use nuns as teachers and not priests. Those nuns are mean old clams and they sleep on cots and they’re allowed to hit you. And at the end of the school year you hated those bitches but you knew the capital of Vermont. So, I’m saying it’s not too late […], bitch is the new black!

Ellen DeGeneres: I work really hard at trying to see the big picture and not getting stuck in ego. I believe we’re all put on this planet for a purpose, and we all have a different purpose… When you connect with that love and that compassion, that’s when everything unfolds.

Amy Poehler: Great people do things before they are ready.

Lily Tomlin: The road to success is always under construction.

Marissa Mayer: I always did something I was a little not ready to do. I think that’s how you grow. When there’s that moment of  ‘Wow, I’m not really sure I can do this,’ and you push through those moments, that’s when you have a breakthrough.

Beyonce: Power’s not given to you; you have to take it.

Tina Fey: There are no mistakes, only opportunities.

Mother Teresa: Not all of us can do great things. But we can do small things with great love.

Have an inspiring weekend!

“Laffy Taffy” Lyrics & the Other Things You Love to Hate

I remember the first time I watched the movie Elf: I was at my friend Laura’s house and complained throughout the entire length of the movie about how stupid it was and how much I hated my friend for making me watch it (she made me do a lot of things, actually–we no longer speak). Later that night, immediately upon arriving home I logged onto my MySpace account and sneakily added the word “Elf” into the middle of my “Favorite Movies” section. I didn’t do it to be a sly little brat (I was and am a sly little brat, though), but it was one of those things in life that I just hated to admit that I loved. This day and age, I proudly flaunt Elf as one of my favorite movies, but there are plenty of other things I am still quite embarrassed about liking.

I hate myself for loving you, …

Glee. Raised as a daughter of the community theatre, I know bad acting. When I watch Glee and think that I could do a better job convincing an audience how deeply distressed I am that my baby daddy just left me for our high school teacher/the adopted mother of our child, we have a serious problem. Some of the dialogue is witty, but the show’s story lines are confusing, incomplete and usually just end up being tossed aside. But every time that damn “Loser like Me” song comes on at work, I can’t help but sing along. Damn you, Ryan Murphy.

Believable? You tell me.

Will Ferrell’s comedy. His dead-on,  admittedly-hilarious impersonations aside, Will has made a name for himself in recent years by doing stupid comedy (Think: Austin Powers, Talladega Nights, Bewitched). I missed the part where running around acting like a jackass constitutes as comedy, or even acting, but Will has made a lot of money doing it. However, when I watch him in these shenanigans, I can’t not be entertained. Hearing that they are creating a sequel to Anchorman has probably been the highlight of my year so far. Embarrassed that I enjoy Will, maybe. But ashamed to say the I love Anchorman as much as the next guy, never.

If you ain’t first, you’re last.

The fact that I know every word to D4L’s song “Laffy Taffy.” Everyone has that one completely random and nonsensical rap song that they know each and every word to for no apparent reason, right? For many people, it’s The Prince of Bel-Air theme song. To other’s it’s a 1990’s classic such as “U Can’t Touch This” or “Ice Ice Baby.” For me, it just so happens to that chart-topping D4L’ song from early 2006? Whatshappeninwhatsupwhatsupletsgoletsgoletsgoletsgooo

The lesser embarrassing Laffy Taffy.

Watching people eat. This is a weird one, I know, but for some reason I get uneasy if I’m eating with someone and there is something obstructing my view of their food. Be it a drink special menu, a large bag, an animal–I just like having a clear view of what my friends and family are eating! Is that really so strange?! (It is, I know. I’m sorry.)

I googled “watching people eat” and this is what came up.

The smell of Axe body spray. I could easily be one of those girls in the commercials. I’m well aware that normal humans smell the familiar, potent scent of Axe body spray and immediately run the other way, as Axe body-spray-wearing boys are tools who think they are too macho to invest in some real cologne and/or deodorant. But any and every time I smell that sexual, manly fragrance–I tell you it’s like a moth to a flame. A child to an ice-cream truck. A college student to a St. Patty’s day bar crawl. All I know is I soon hope to outgrow this fixation with the scent, as well as the fratty, douchelord personalities that accompany it.

If only computers were equipped with smell-o-vision :-/

I hope I’m not the only one that has these random, quirky fallacies. Anyone else care to own up to anything you hate to say you love?

Sexual Sunday: Boys on TV

I know my loyal readership has been missing the sex out of my Sexual Sunday posts, so in the words of the greatest boy band to come out of the 90’s, “Oh my God, we’re back again!” And back we are.

So, for the next few Sundays, I plan to blog about the most sexual people on tv. This week’s installment focuses on the opposite sex (from me): men. Next week will be women, and then after that maybe cats or lamps or whatever. In my humble and entirely biased opinion, I present to you the top 5 most sexual men on tv shows that I would enjoy having a one night stand with talking to and stuff (emphasis on the stuff):

5. Dan Humphrey of Gossip Girl: As embarrassing as it is to admit I still follow this show, I am anything but ashamed to admit I have the hotts (yes, two t’s are needed) for Penn Badgley. Boy got ripped out of nowhere, and it doesn’t hurt that his character has now risen from the his lonelyboyBrooklyntrasharstyways to dating the Queen of the Upper East Side! ‘Cause popular boyz, like totally rule.

 

4. Sam Bennett of Private Practice: Full Disclosure– I had to google Taye Digg’s character name in Private Practice for this one. I’ve seen a few episodes back in 2007, but really just think Taye is damn sexy and wanted him on this list. Fair? I vote fair.

 

3. Derek Morgan of Criminal Minds: I dare any female that is into males to watch an episode of Criminal Minds and not completely stop breathing each and every time Morgan (aka Shemar Moore) beats up an unsub. Or does solves a crime. Or does something else (anything else!) in a badass, sexy manner.

 

2. Ron Swanson of Parks and Recreation: Played by Nick Offerman, the character of Ron is a real man’s man. He likes hunting, meat of all kinds and despises the government (for which he works). To lady folk, he’s like the sexy Bermuda Triangle: a point where the carnivorous hunter, ironic moustached government employee and sexual deviant meet and swallow you whole.

 

1. Marshall Eriksen of HIMYM: Because in my book, Jason Segel wins every time. He could be playing his character in Jeff, Who Lives and Home and would still be at the top of my list. Sorry ’bout it, but he’s sort of my soul mate.

20 Things to do in your 20’s

If you actually talk to me on a regular basis in real life (as opposed to internet life), then we’ve most likely had the “the year after college is the craziest year everrr” conversation. If not, then let me tell you–the first year after you graduate college really is a pivotal year in your life. You’re going to find out a lot about who you are and what you want out of life. Many people move back in with their parents and realize they are comfortable with the life they have lead in their respective hometown and plan to stay there for a while. Others get married and begin to share a life with someone else. Some people move as far away from home as they possibly can, and begin to really explore being independent. Many people will realize they hate what they went to school for and want to pursue another degree in something different. For others, their life will become their job. For some, their relationship will become their life. There are many things I’m leaving out, but you get the point–you begin to really explore who you are outside of the planned comfort of what was to be your life up until this age. The rest is what you make it.

I’ve compiled a list (can you tell I like making lists?) of 20 things I think every 20-something should do during this decade of life (IMO). I think it’s actually really good, so you should probably do them all.

  1. Learn how to live by yourself. Learn how to run a dishwasher, change the oil in your car, and assemble a bed frame from Ikea. You don’t actually have to live by yourself to do this, but there’s a good chance that sometime in the next 70 years of your life you will in fact be living by yourself, and I think it’s more socially acceptable to accidentally add bleach to your red load at 23 than at 83.
  2. Move somewhere that you haven’t lived yet. This could be drastic or not. You could move to a different city or country–or you could move out from your parents’ basement. You learn a lot about yourself by getting out of your comfort zone.
  3. Learn how to change a spare tire. That is, if you live somewhere you drive a car. If not, learn how to shoot a gun. If not that either, I don’t know, learn how to change a diaper. Basically, just learn how to do something that will feed your confidence and make you feel a little more self-sufficient.
  4. Stay awake all night & watch the sunrise. Self-explanatory, no?
  5. Learn how to be financially independent. Because there is no greater feeling in the world than being able to support yourself.
  6. Know how to stick to a budget. Create a monthly budget and stick to it. Know where your money is going, and if there are any things you can cut out of your day-to-day life (so you can start saving).
  7. Start saving, if you can. This is apparently important down the road. If you have the resources, open that 401k now. It’s an investment in your future (so I’m told).
  8. Make peace with old feuds from your past. It can be done verbally, or just in your own mind. Moving on comes with maturity, and now is the time to forgive and forget the things that typically don’t matter anymore in your present life.
  9. Appreciate your family. This is imperative. Look back on all of the times your parents were right–it was all the time. No one has as much of a vested interest in you as your parents (usually), so listen to their advice. They raised you, so they know how to do at least one thing right (usually).
  10. Be in a real relationship. Introduce someone to your parents. Sleep over at his or her house/apartment for days on end. Pick fights about money and have amazing makeup sex. Learn the feeling of committing yourself to one person, and maybe the feeling of getting your heart broken–or breaking someone else’s.
  11. Go on lots of dates. Go on all of those really fun, exciting dates that no one would be caught dead on after they’re 30.
  12. Have a lot of sex. Buy a position-a-day calendar and actually do it. Have hate sex, breakup sex, ‘I love you’ sex, ‘thanks for buying me chocolate ice cream’ sex, drunken sex, morning sex, phone sex, reunion sex, maybe even some bad sex. Have one partner or many (just use protection!). Also (yes, I’m going to say it), have an orgasm. I’m talking to you, ladies. ‘Nuff said.
  13. Think about settling down. You don’t have to do it! But think about it. Think about the characteristics you want in a partner. Write them down and settle for no less. You shouldn’t be forced into settling for anything less than what you want/deserve, especially when it comes to matters as permanent as marriage and kids. But, start to know what you’re looking for so when you find it, you can actively pursue.
  14. Know that trial and error in the job world is a valid strategy. If you hate what you’re doing, do something else. Lather, rinse, repeat.
  15. Put yourself out there at least once a day. Ask someone on a date. Take charge of a project at work. Ask for a raise. You never get ahead in the game without challenging yourself, and you never know if you don’t ask.
  16. Continue your education. Maybe this means going to college, trade school, grad school or medical school. Maybe this means reading the paper each morning. Whatever your personal take, never use “but I’ve already graduated high school/college/etc.” as an excuse to stop learning.
  17. Keep in touch with your friends. It’s really hard when your friends are spread out throughout the United States, but strive to do this. If my grandma kept in touch with a friend who lived 6 states away her entire life without the help of texting or the internet, there’s really no excuse that we can’t stay in touch in 2012.
  18. Figure out exactly what you believe in and practice that faith. Do some online research. Read the Bible. Read the Qur’an. Go to Temple. Go to Mass. Sooner or later, your grandparents are going to get sick, and having a solid backing of faith really will put your mind at ease.
  19. Appreciate your body. It might not be perfect, but your body isn’t going to get any better than what it is right now, so why not enjoy it?
  20. Be happy. Everyday, just do whatever it is that makes you happy. Because life is too short to be anything else