August/All I Want for My Birthday is Laser Armpit Hair Removal

Welcome, August. The eighth month of the year houses many celebrations: National Back-to-School month for the US, Black Business Month, World Breastfeeding Week, and most importantly my birthday! On a more serious note than I usually like to get on here, August typically brings about many endings (to summer, tan lines, days at the pool) as well as what accompanies them, beginnings (homework, boots and fall weather). Last year, August was probably the most important month of my year: I officially turned down a job in Los Angeles, lost my brother, said goodbye to my life in Ohio and bought a one-way plane ticket to New York with no clue what was going to come of it. This August, I will be celebrating my one year anniversary with NYC by beginning a new job, living in my second apartment in the city and holding a new appreciation for life and the many lessons I’ve learned through truly living on my own. Even though I’m no longer in school, the end of summer/beginning of fall is a bittersweet time (especially as a fairly recent graduate), and it feels refreshing and exciting to be starting new things with the change of the season.

Less seriously (but still very serious!), I’ve recently received some inquires as to what a city-dwelling young professional might be interested in receiving for her rapidly approaching birthday. I usually just politely tell my fans family, “Ohhh, I don’t need anything– just your kind thoughts on my special day are enough to get me through the year!” Well, not this time. I’ve been surviving on a retail budget, have student loan payments out the butthole and need I remind you I live in the most expensive city in the country? I have a list. And it’s a damn good one at that. Get excited.

Things that I Wouldn’t Return if/when Opened on my Birthday:

  • Laser armpit hair removal
  • Wine of the month club
  • Beer of the month club
  • Whiskey of the month club
  • Wine
  • Beer
  • Whiskey
  • Brita water filters
  • Tickets to the closing ceremony of the Olympics
  • For someone to get the Spice Girls to go on tour again
  • Tickets to ^that^
  • Fruit of the Loom white v-neck t-shirts, size small
  • Cockroach poison, non-flammable
  • One of those blow up couches from the ’90s, lime green
  • Peter Cetera’s Greatest Hits vinyl
  • “If I Did It” by OJ Simpson
  • Lucky Charms
  • A lion
  • A really nice knife set
  • Seth Meyers
  • AA Batteries

I’ll frequently check my Target registry, so when you guys get all of this stuff covered, I can add more as needed. But really though, I’m pretty excited to never have to shave my pits EVER AGAIN! Yay, birthday month! Anything else you guys think would be a good addition to my birthday wish list?

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3 thoughts on “August/All I Want for My Birthday is Laser Armpit Hair Removal

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