Instead of boring you with public apologies every time I’m either blogging something too late or just don’t do it entirely, I’m going to say I’m sorry right now, for every time this happens in the future. Truth is, while blogging is not hard, and most of the things I blog about aren’t exactly complex–the time it takes to draw an opinion and sit down at my computer to write about it, well–that can be taxing and frankly, sometimes I just need to sleep instead. Basically, I can’t blog about all the cool things I do in New York if I don’t have the time to do them. Most simply, I want to enjoy life, and promise to blog about it when I have time. Moving on…

There’s been more awards shows and I want to blog about the dress and tux choices made there in my notorious fashionably late fashion, but today I had a better idea. [It’s not really about “fashion,” per say, but I work in retail and retail is fashion, so by association, I say this counts.] A lot of times, customers can be the greatest, nicest people and absolutely make your day. But other times, as many a sales associate will probably agree, they can be such racist/sexist/rude/lazy douchebags, that you want to grab the pointiest hanger you can find and stab them in the jugular until they bleed. It’s really not hard to be a respectful shopper, people. Today I compiled a list of the most annoying things a customer can do whilst shopping (IMO):

• Shopping with your headphones on: Don’t rudely refuse to take off your headphones when entering a store that provides its own music for your shopping pleasure. Especially don’t shop with your headphones blaring vulgar music so loud that anyone within a 10 foot radius around you can here precisely what is being sung and/or rapped. Even more especially, don’t join in with said singing and/or rapping to your vulgar loud music. This is my biggest pet peeve because you are literally being inconsiderate to everyone around you. Shopping is a social experience, and even if you do not need the assistance of a sales associate, you should still appreciate and respect the atmosphere of the store you are visiting.
•  “Hiding” things you want to buy in places they don’t belong: Put it on hold for God’s sake. Or better yet, buy it now and return it later if you really want to. Hiding the clearance Cole Haan shoes under my sweater rounder is not stealthy, so don’t expect them to be there when you come back 20 minutes later. Use some muscle and carry them around with you. OR save us both the hassle and just seriously put them on hold.
• Saying “I’m just looking” as a response to anything: “Hi, how are you today?” “I’m just looking!” “Wow, I love that jacket you’re trying on.” “I’m just looking!” “There is a hungry-looking dinosaur lurking around the athletic apparel a few rounders over”  “I’m just looking!” I get it, you don’t want to be bothered, but at least GREET the dinosaur. Otherwise, that’s just plain rude.
• People who “know their size”: I’m talking to you Mr. 160 pound 5’9″ guy ripping apart the size 17 dress shirts. Just admit that you haven’t a clue what your neck measurements are and we both can win.
• People who don’t know their size: Guys, your pant size is your waist measurement. Your shirt size is your neck measurement. If you don’t know, ask. We can at least narrow you down to a few options. Taking back 19 pairs of dress pants ranging from a size 32 to a 42 HAS to be more embarrassing for you. And also, how do you go through life seriously not knowing what size jeans you wear? YOU ARE WEARING JEANS RIGHT NOW. LOOK AT THE SIZE.
• Hanger neglect: Hangers need love too. Try on anything you want, just please put it back on its respective hanger when you’re done. It takes literally one second. Hangers are cool: they are super lightweight, make things easier to look at and can trip people if you leave them on the floor. I’m not asking that you marry the hanger, but at least respect it.

There has to be at least one million other things I am forgetting, but these were the few that popped into my head while dealing with servicing some super cool peeps today. Full disclosure, I am not the best sales associate in the world and sometimes I let my “spicy Italian” (yes, like the Subway sub) side get jabs in when people act like monsters. But overall, I try to not. Just like overall, the things on my list aren’t the worst things a human could do. Most of the things on my list actually deal with consumer/shopper ignorance and people might not even realize its rude. But it is. Retail associates (just like waiters and taxi drivers and anyone else in the service industry) are people. And on behalf of people, I ask that next time you are interacting with other people, try not to be an asshole.

Hugs and kittens, everyone :D